Home Owners Association? Associate THIS

To start off with let me explain what a HOA, Home Owners Association, essentially is for those of you who may not know. At its core it is a group of home buyers given the ridiculous responsibility to ensure that the neighborhood in question stays within a given set of standards. These standards, rules, restrictions, what have you, are meant to make sure that the homes in the neighborhood retain if not increase their property values. If viewed in a simplistic manner- the neighborhood looks nice and clean and uniform then our value goes up- would seem a good thing and some would agree.

If you have ever been in contact with, in any way, an actual HOA you most likely would vehemently disagree. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about these groups. The mother of a close friend of mine often receives what she calls “nasty grams” on her door in her small neighborhood. The notes she receives makes my blood boil and I’ve often envisioned having a few choice words with the particular neighbor I know they must be coming from- stuck up, poorly dressed, nosy, rude, intrusive, passive aggressive, tiny shlong of a man that he is!

*Ahem* Sorry about that. This topic can get rather heated. My point is, being a Cuban American young woman, approaching a time in her life when I may buy a home, I can’t believe any grown person would let another grown ass person tell them what they can or cannot do….with anything. There just isn’t anyone who has earned that kind of respect from me.

If you’re going to put a huge chunk of savings and a potentially rest-of-your-natural-life mortgage down on a home, then that home is rightfully yours. As long as you pay your mortgage and abstain from shooting your neighbors with a sniper rifle from your top bedroom window, you should be allowed to do with your house as you wish.

Want to plant large palm trees in front of your mountain home? Do it! Care for some ugly ass garden gnomes and cliche pink flamingos to go with it? Have at it! Oh and a oddly put together footpath leading through your front garden to your dungeon looking front doors? Dude I’d visit your house in a second! Cuz if that’s your front lawn I can’t wait to see the full sized Hulk $4000 sculpture you must have waiting for me in the front hall.

At its worst HOA’s were a means of keeping people of any color but white out of neighborhoods or from pretty much buying homes. At its best…..well they keep people from being too individualistic with the one piece of property that means pretty much everything to a person or a family (and maybe still a tiny bit of that racist notion as well…God Bless America right?)

My approach to things of this nature has always been to laugh at either myself or the person trying to piss me off. It’s a family trait I should tell you. My father does it, my siblings and I learned to do it, and pretty much everyone in my father’s side of the family does it. Laugh at those trying to bring you down but most importantly never forget to laugh at yourself- it’s a motto that has served many of us well. Well that and the motto- if a fu@$er hits you once you hit them back twice. We aren’t exactly a peaceful family but whose is?

Anyway, my Uncle Greg is pretty much the king of laughing at life. An uncanny ability to make those around him laugh is something I have always loved about him. As a child he used to entertain my siblings and I with incredibly spot on impersonations of looney toons, pranks, cheesy jokes, and hilarious facial expressions. The man has a gift what can I say. Not to mention the numerous movies he’s had the pleasure of being in, the cartoons he has penned, the screenplays he has written, and so so so many other amazing accomplishments that all add to his awesome personality.

Your Home, My Problem

Your Home, My Problem

As an adult I get to watch him put that humor, sharp wit, and experience towards a pretty impressive new endeavor. That’s right, you guessed it! You see my Uncle is now working on helping produce a film, Code Enforcer, about the amazingly ridiculous and often infuriating world of HOAs. It promises to be not only funny, but artfully makes many fair points as you giggle and snort your way through the story. Will it be relatable? Hells yeah. Will it have any ‘real’ stories in it or just a lot of fake scenarios? Nah, there’s no need to make anything up on this subject. The stories, while slightly exaggerated in some parts, are all from a real life source.

This film needs some help getting up off the ground though. It needs donations towards many avenues- publicist, actors, marketing, legal stuff- all that jazz. Got something to say about HOAs? Have a story of your own to share? Let them know on Facebook. After you’re done liking their page and stalking its entirety, head over to their Seed and Spark page where you can help fund any portion of the film you want to- from 20 bucks all the way up to a few hundred if you feel so inclined.

Can’t donate? That’s cool. Do the next best thing, share the story! If you like what you see do a favor from one writer to another and send the link to a few friends. I’d appreciate anything you can do and so would the Code Enforcer team!

Here’s a short overview of the story straight from their main page:

Dave Petty comes from a proud line of law enforcement heroes – sadly, he holds the somewhat humiliating job of HOA Code Enforcer for a snooty, gated community in Texas. But his dream of fulfilling his destiny as a hero comes within reach when he stumbles upon a murder involving a prominent resident.


Lay it on me!

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